Episode Transcript
This isn't just a podcast, it's a reminder. A reminder of what makes America Stronger isn't a headline or a hashtag. It's people from the ones building our homes to the ones rebuilding their lives, veterans, tradesmen, neighbors and volunteers, real people doing real things. Here we find common ground first, and then we work on our differences.
This is the collective perspective podcast where purpose, people, and progress mean. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Collective Perspective podcast. My name is Jeff and I'm here with my buddy Travis. What's up, Trav? Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome back. Good to be back in the studio. Yeah. Um, today we're starting a new series called Get Over Yourself.
Do It. Just get Over yourself. Don't do it. We felt that the next set of topics in this series. Are things that are interpersonal, things that you, one, have to identify about yourself and realize that you probably have some degree of this, and if you rid yourself of this vice, then you'll live a better life.
We could all stand to identify some vices that we have and try to get rid of them. Many people in today, I see it throughout social media. I'm not really on Facebook that much anymore. But they use words or they listen to words, uh, given the wrong definition or there a wrong understanding of the definition, one or the other.
But they have wrong understanding of the definition, right? And they're using it in the wrong context. Right? So here's the first one. This one's Envy. Envy. And most people think that envy. Is the same as jealousy. I think they have a lot of overlap, but they're not the same. I can tell you that doing further research, that it's actually a second definition of envy.
Jealousy is. Jealousy is, but here we go. Travis, you ready for it? Let's do it. It all depends on the intent. There we go with that word again, the problem, uh, most people, I've talked to people about this, that, uh, and they, they seem to think I'm splitting hairs with this. I think I, I can understand where they're coming from on that, right?
How, why am I, why do you think I'm splitting hairs? Well, I think that, uh, both have something to do, uh, with, um, looking at someone else and seeing what they have. And having, having a longing for it. Uh, but I, again, it's, it's the intent that you say is the differing factor in between the two words, is that what I'm hearing?
No, they're completely different definitions. Completely different definitions. Okay. Right. Um, do you wanna know what those are please? So, um, envy. So did you see that? What's that? I'm not trying to make a fool of myself because I don't un I I haven't looked these words up, so I don't know. That's okay. I told you, uh, I've, uh, went above and beyond on this title.
Did you? Yeah. Okay. I got us. I got it. All right. So Envy is ha is wanting something that somebody else has. Okay. Right. Here's the definition. If you don't believe me, you can look it up, but jealousy means, please do. Look it up, please. Uh, jealousy means the fear of losing something that you have. I, those are two different things, yet people use them interchangeably because everybody else does, or they don't really know the definition of it.
And to be honest with you, I didn't know the definition of it until I looked all this up. You, you see where I'm going with that Trav? I do. I do. And it's for self betterment. And it's not that you don't know or that you are ignorant at all. It's just that. I did a little bit more research than you and I, uh, I want to just point that out is that that's kind of the game that Travis and I will be playing because one, I create the content and what we talk about, and Travis is like knee deep in nursing work.
And so it's tough. And I, I do try, I do a little bit of the research as well, but not nearly to the level that Jeff's able to. But it adds an element of surprise. It does. Right. So I wanted to give some examples of like what jealousy is, and as I'm sitting here thinking about it with you, I, I, I do see the difference, uh, envy is wanting what someone else has, and jealousy is fear of losing what you have.
Right? So it could be, it's kind of weird to think that. If I'm gonna lose something, like maybe my family goes out and I'm worried they're gonna get in a car accident and I'll lose them, I don't really think I'm jealous. No, that's, I, I wouldn't think that that's a jealous type of mentality, but if you're an in, if you are insecure or you're an insecure relationship.
Amanda and I was just talking about this. She goes, do you think if I went out in town, would you ever be jealous or worried that you'd, I would find someone else. And I'm like, no, I don't. I don't foresee that happening. But that would be the definition of jealousy is if somebody was jealous, it would be that someone could take her away from you.
Well, again, here are patterns would show you that, hey, um, this person, my wife, keeps on. Going and doing this one thing, and it's gonna create some type of, uh, curiosity and jealousy. And usually when people are being dishonest or look disloyal in a relationship, you can start to see patterns. I, I'm probably better at that you, Travis, since I'm in my third marriage.
So once you start seeing patterns or you start seeing the truth, you can't go back to sleep, right? I think. Uh, that could be said about a lot of things. So, back to jealousy. I think jealousy, uh, jealousy, if you were to mention a biblical thing, um, can be good. But I also think envy could be good and bad.
They both can be good or bad, right? So if you were to think on a religious thing, uh, God is a jealous God not jealous. That the fact that, uh. You might go worship another God, but jealous of the fact that you might lose out and, and going to heaven. Hmm. Interesting. Okay. I think jealousy can go horribly wrong.
I think it could be good. Um, you might see someone like hit on your wife or something like that and she's maybe having a good time. Not us, but, and. That might go, man, maybe I'm just not like, you can reflect on yourself and go be like, man, maybe I'm just not treating her well enough. Or you can be blind to it.
That's true. Yeah. And then, and then we're gonna go into pride next, next episode, but not too much. But, uh, I think you can find pride in almost every vice and how, how pride can be a bad thing. Jealousy can also be psychotic. Uh, controlling, uh, someone can be like, well, I'm not gonna allow you to go out or go out with your friends and do this stuff.
But it all comes back to that fear of losing something you have. Right. So now that you know the definition of the two, I don't think you can go back, right? Because here's what envy is. Envy is a whole different. Uh, definition by, by sorts, uh, envy is, um, wanting that something that somebody else has. So, for example, I really want a shiny red Mustang.
So you're not jealous that somebody has it. You're envious that they have it jealous. I want it, you're envious that they have it, right. Right. I'm not jealous because I'm not in fear of losing something I don't have. Right. If you know the definitions that, and that's what definitions are important. I'll never be able to go back to this.
Well, I, and I don't blame you, uh, because it, there, it, it is a very good distinction between the two. But see what it has allowed me to do, knowing the differences is uh, knowing if, um, I can think back like, am I jealous of anything? And I, I can honestly say that I don't think I'm jealous of anybody. I know I had, uh, you know, as a, as, as a young sailor or as a young kid, I was jealous when, uh, going out in town with girlfriends or whatnot, uh, if they were, you know, obviously when you're young.
You feel like all of your girlfriends are beautiful. Uh, and when somebody else talks to 'em, you just get that, oh God, what, what, what do they have that I don't? Why are, how are they able to make, make her talk to them? Sounds like you're envious. Uh, no. I was jealous that I would lose my girlfriend kind of a thing.
But you were saying that you were envious of what they had? Uh, no. What do they have? How are they able to do what they're doing? Um, maybe I was envious of them, but jealous of losing her. At the time, you know, this was, um, and, you know, I was, I was an insecure person, so even with my current wife, I, I would feel that way.
But, you know, after growing and, and learning a few things in the world, I've become very secure and in myself and in my relationship. So, uh, when it comes to something like that, I don't envy what other people have in terms of relationship. I love what I have. Right. You're content. Yes. I think, um, without going into, I'll go into content a little bit later, but, uh, the thing about envy is that you can be envious of something that somebody has.
Right. And that's okay. Right? Uh, they're saying, well, that's a vice. How is that vice? Well, and how is that? Okay. Well. It depends on your intent, right? So if you go out and say, for example, I, like I said earlier, the shiny red Mustang car, I have to, uh, put into consideration that I can't possibly have, and that are people out there that have a shiny red Mustang live in an apartment.
Okay? So I have to like, well, how am I gonna have all these things? Well, I have to have a job. That will financially support me to have that kind of stuff. Right? Man, I really want that. I'm gonna set that as a goal for myself. There you go. That I want to get that done the next five years and set it as a goal.
But you have to, uh. You have to take steps to do that. You have to have a better job, which pays you more money and how are you gonna do all that? So it could take you a decade to do it. It could take you a lifetime, but, and some people, it does take a lifetime. Being envious of something that somebody else has isn't bad.
It can be a motivator in that respect. So let me ask you, do, where would you think the envy would go bad? Uh, where has it become like a bad thing when you're blind to the steps that it takes to get there? Uh, when it's all consuming. When it's, uh, when it's the only thing you can think about. I think that's when it's bad again.
Um, being too envious is. Not good. Having enough envy to say, yeah, uh, let me look into that. Let me see what steps it's gonna take to get there. How can I make that happen for me? Uh, that's, that's when it's good, when it's used as a motivation. I agree with you, but what if I told you, man, Ford Mustangs are crap?
Um, Travis doesn't know what he is doing driving that car. I man, that thing is just gonna wreck. I'm just gonna start slinging all the mud I could possibly sling at you because you have something I want. So, trying a little reverse psychology there. Huh? No, I'm just saying, uh, if that is reverse psychology, but um, that's where I think it becomes sinful too, I think, um, when you try to make somebody else not want what they already have.
Right. Well, no. Um. Shaming someone and belittling them because they have something you have so you can lower yourself. This happens all the time, by the way, shaming someone. But they, they lower them, they lower themselves. They, they want you lowered to their level or below. So they're gonna put you down, they're gonna sling mud at you.
You can see it all over the place, Travis. Oh, right. You're gonna wake up on this topic today. That's, that's all over social media. That's, uh. To me, that's when, um, that that's how arguments get started on social media. Somebody says, oh, I don't like the way that looks. And then everybody's like, well, you're just dumb or you don't know.
This is, you know, Mustangs are crowd killers and they're, they call 'em that for a reason. You don't know how to drive it. Uh, and that's a big, you know, that's, that's a big stereotype. And yes, I see how it can bring somebody down. You can see it in politics too, right? Absolutely. Uh, you can see it in sports.
Um, somebody that talks trash because somebody else won, you know, they're gonna try to stir up something or, oh, well he cheats on his wife or something, you know, just, you can't celebrate something, uh, you can't celebrate the fact that said, politician did something and it, it's actually beneficial. You have to continually sling mud.
Um, you, you can't stand the fact that this person's succeeding. You say whatever it is. It could be sports, it could be politics, it could be work related stuff. Um, you, you, you start to become, uh.
You know, you, you mentioned the work thing. That's a, that's a big one where I think a lot of people will mix jealousy and envy, and they're more envious of somebody else's position in a, in a work setting, because they may, they might get a little more attention, or they might make a little bit more, so you're envious of them.
So what happens? People, people, excuse me, people start slinging mud or starting rumors. To bring them down to your level.
I think that's the word I was looking for was resentment. It creates resentment and resentment's, kinda like, uh, a grudge, isn't it? I, I think so. I'd be interested in looking it up. See, there we go again, looking things up and that's, that's okay. Hold on. Let's do it.
Resentment is an internal feeling of ongoing bitterness or anger towards someone because of perceived wrong. A grudge is when what resentment becomes stored and intentional.
When you hold a grudge. When you a grudge is something that you store and it's intentional. Resentment is an internal feeling of outgoing bitterness or anger towards someone because of a proceed wrong. Oh, okay. So a grudge. Well, they're both, hold on, here you go. Quick summary, resentment, the emotion you feel grudge, the stance you take because of that emotion.
There we are intent. There you go. They mean the same thing, but emotion and action.
Uh, that's when you, that's when you take emotion out. That's when you take emotion out before you do the action. Explain that. Make sure, you know, I, I think that, uh, that might get us off topic if we go down that route, because that, that to me, that's talking more about, um, you know, uh, we mentioned it previously.
Um. That emotion. And I said, you know, uh, you know, sometimes you gotta take the emotion out before you act because a lot of things that we are presented with are made to elicit an emotion so they can get that knee jerk reaction, that action. So you've gotta step back from the emotion before you take action to make sure it's the right action for you.
And we talked about that in our gentleness episode. We've, no, I think we've probably hit that a few times. That's where it is. Instead of clapping back, that's what it was. Yeah. Instead of clapping back, you should step back and, uh, we're, we are all, all emotional creatures, so you have to, you're right, you have to, I think what you're saying is you have to take the emotion out of it before, before you, uh, progress forward.
Um, because that's where, that's where a lot of mistakes are made because you make a decision based off of emotions. Yes. And not fact correct. So I think you're right. Uh, emotions can eat away at what's really the facts. And when somebody is envious, they can go through a RA range of emotions, uh, and not just all good or bad, but they, they can hit all of 'em, anger, uh, happiness, joy, you know, whatever the case may be.
You still need to step back and, and look at what, what the, um, what it is you're trying to accomplish. Let me ask you, are you envious of anybody? Or something, uh, you know, uh, right offhand, I can't think of it right now. I'm sure there's something that I'm envious of. Um, you know, I, I like my cars and stuff, you know, I'm envious of the person that can take their car to the track.
Because I'm not quite there, but I know what it takes to get there and I'm working towards it slowly. So it's, it's, it's being used as a motivation now to get things in proper order so I can take that next step to get to where I want to go with my cars. We, we mentioned, um, and this is where I, I like to talk about contentment because not everybody is looking up to someone because they have something that you don't.
Uh, materialistically, but something that you have that they don't. And sometimes that means the guy that is consistently busy, that has no time for his family works seven days a week. He's provider, he's successful, and he has everything that his family could ever want except for one thing them. E exactly.
Time. And so I can guarantee you at some point, I would imagine that at some point they'd be like, man, oh, this is great. I love being successful and I love making money, but I've missed my kids growing up. Right? And so you start to have envy for the guy that is just content with his life. I, I see that, man, I wish I could slow down to your speed.
I would say that you're probably envious that I work from home. I, you know, that's a, that's a good point. Yeah. I'd like to work from home, but my job doesn't allow me to do that because I am a, in a profession where you have to have that hands-on interaction. Yeah. Yeah. But you do enjoy nursing and you are really good at it.
And that's your career. Yes. Um, it comes second nature to you. You've been doing it for quite some time, so, yeah. Well, I don't even want to say it because it sounds like it's been, well, it has been a long time. I empathize with you, Travis. Yeah. Yeah. You've been doing industry too. You've, but you've been, you, you've been in this career for quite a while too.
I've been doing, um, pro audio sales for 15, going on 16 years. 16 years in June. What year would that put us back to? Um, 2010. 2010? Yeah, 2010. Wow.
And what, let's see, I, you've been doing audio sales, but you were also. Working towards it though. Back in what, 2000? Oh, I started school in 2003. Yeah. Was it 2003? Yeah. I thought it was earlier for some reason. Uh, I graduated in 2005. Okay. Yeah. And I, I was in Virginia at that time when we were in Seattle.
Now when you were in Seattle, that was because of my wedding. That was 2003. The second wedding I was already, I already lived there, so, yeah. Wow. Yeah, I guess I, I could be envious of the person that's able to work from home and still be successful because to me, you know that that is an ideal type of, uh, work situation, so you can be there for your kids and your family.
But at the same time, you have to cut them out at some point so you can get your work done. Uh, that's the room that we're sitting in. Does that The studio. The studio is the office too, for sure. But it hasn't always been like that though. No, it hasn't been like that for, uh, 15 years. It's something that I was envious of, uh, somebody else that had their own separate office.
But it took time and you took the steps to get here, so it was a motivator. Yeah. I mean, when I had the opportunity to make this room, I did, um, not only, uh, for that, but for us. Yeah. To close up this episode about envy, uh, the most important thing was to make people aware of it. Make people aware of the differences between the two, and to identify.
What it is you're envious of. Just that quick, you know, when Jeff first asked that question, when you first asked me that question, I said, you know, I can't think of anything offhand, and then you ra rattled off two or three things. I'm like, you know what? I am kind of envious of that. Uh, so yeah, recognizing it in ourselves is something that we need to do.
A, uh, it's a deeper reflection into who we are and to understand what it is. What our goals are, it helps us identify our goal, but depending on what direction you take that envy, um, good or bad, good or bad, it's your choice. Um, the direction that you choose to reflect. Excuse me, that you choose to deflect jealousy.
And I think once you, as you know, you don't know you have a problem, until you can identify that you have a problem. And so if this helps somebody identify that, Hey, maybe I have a jealousy issue, I need to, uh, look within myself to change that. I can recognize it now because we helped you. How about that?
And even, even in this episode, you see how just talking with somebody, one of your, your best friend, your, your confidant, somebody that you trust. Can help you identify things in yourself and you can confront it and say, yeah, you know what that is. That would be a goal of mine. And then start working towards how to get to that goal, how to attain that goal productively.
So I'm gonna get over myself. We're gonna continue to get over ourselves, and at the end of this journey, if you followed us all the way through. Um, you'll see it as it happens with us. There's more topics to discuss. Uh, obviously, like we said, pride will be the next topic that we discuss, and I can tell you that pride is probably one of the most dangerous vices that you can have because I think there's a fine line between pri uh, good pride and bad pride.
What I wanted to try this week, and maybe won't, we'll do it next week. Is a self-audit, like a personal, uh, scorecard. So if you rate yourself from one to five, you could, uh, to one of these questions. Uh, one being not at at all me and five being too real. So one is my, I I compare myself to other people online.
I feel upset when people succeed before me. I want things I'm not actually working towards. Man, how many, how many things does it apply to? I want things that I'm not actually working towards. Like I want free handouts. Wow. That's envy. Yeah. Comp, um, compliments for others feel like criticism towards me.
Wow. These are, these are good questions. Yeah. Right. I define progress by how I measure up to others. Man, if you have all these problems, you got some serious issues. Keeping up with the Joneses is a, you need to, you need to work on your envy score is, uh, not, uh, is not a good way to go. So here's the takeaway here.
Envy is a signal, not a sentence. Nice, right? Is a signal for you to say, Hey, wake up. You have a problem with this. You need to overcome this and make it a positive. If having a shiny red Mustang is your goal in life, go do it. Take the right steps to get there. Take the steps to do it. Be positive. That's the only, that's way.
Be positive. That's the only way you're gonna get there. Positive affirmations. I'll get there. I'll do it. So, hey, thanks for watching this episode of the Collective Perspective podcast. We hope you gain from it like Travis and I have gained from it. Have you gained from it today, Travis? Oh, absolutely. Um, I think just talking this over and finally getting it off my chest, I've.
I'm really, uh, going deep on this one, and I found it quite interesting and very intriguing topic. Absolutely. It's, it, it is a, it is a good topic. It's something that we need to be aware of and like we said before, you know, get over yourself. Get over yourself. Hey, make sure that you share, like, um, make some comments down below.
We really appreciate it and we hope you grow with us. Thanks for watching. Peace.
