Episode Transcript
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This is the collective perspective podcast where purpose, people, and progress mean. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Collective Perspective podcast. My name is Jeff and I'm here with my buddy Trav. What's up, Trav? Hey, what's up everybody? Glad to be back. Yeah, likewise. Today we're going to talk about self-control.
Self-control. Wow. It's a huge topic for today. Uh, in today's society, relationships, maintaining self-control. What did, what did you think? Um, when's the last time, Travis, that you wanted to say something, um, but you held off and not said it? I, I think there are many times in my professional career where there's some things that I wanna say.
But I can't say it as directly as, as I, as I'm thinking it. So yeah, there's a lot of times that I, I've held back on what I wanted to say, just so I make sure I get the proper point across. And last week we just talked about gentleness. So that's somewhat isn't self-control kind of being gentle? I, I think so, yeah.
I can agree with that. One thing I thought about self-control was that, is self-control always a negative thing? I've never thought self. Yes. The answer's no. I, I've never thought self-control would be a negative thing. Okay. Well, good. 'cause, personally, but some people can't. Well, uh, we're kind of thinking like.
Most people would think, well, self-control is like, well, I held my, I bit my tongue and I didn't tell this person off. That is self-control. That is a form of self-control. But it could be that, hey, uh, you got the silly bug and you can't seem to stop laughing and you need to be serious. And that's a lack of self-control, uh, to some degree.
Yeah. And the fact that you can't, uh, stop eating at eight o'clock. PM Jeff every day. Is that a lack of control? I think that we're all, uh, most of us are guilty of that. I know I am too. That that is a poor self-control. And, you know, to the, to the other side of that. Getting up and going out and doing your workout or making that meal plan that you wanted to do, you've got to get out there and do it, and it takes self-control to make yourself do it.
That and finding the proper motivation for yourself. I, I see it as not being a repression, but something that you could strategically accomplish something versus just trying to. Do it all at once as self-control as well. I've not put much thought into it like that. Uh, Hey Travis, let's go out and build a hut in the backyard.
Do we just go to Lowe's? And yes, I shop at Lowe's to give a military discount, but do we shop at Lowe's, uh, with not having a plan on how to put it together or are we not exercising self-control by going, no. You know what, Travis? We should probably put a plan together first. Uh, self-control. I don't know if that's self-control or if that's just planning, like you're skipping a whole phase in a project.
Well, again, we just came up with the idea right now, Hey, we're gonna go do this and I really want to get it done, man. All right. Well, I think, I think it is kind of control. I don't live in the sticks and I don't need to get it done right this second. So you don't live in the sticks. Yeah, in the woods. Yeah.
I've seen those YouTube videos where guys building huts in the middle of the woods. I was just thinking the other day, uh, I don't know a lot of people that can survive in the wilderness, like I can. Uh, what would be your first priority anyway? It's not part of this story, but my first priority, by the way, would be shelter, food, and water and heat.
Uh, why is that light Keep on going off, man, that's weird. Would that be losing self-control? Blowing a fuse? I think that would, uh. Not have any control of itself, but I Is there a self when it comes to a light? Well, when you get deep into it, everything. I think that was a good example of self-control right there.
Operates on, I didn't get mad, like, no, why? What's up with this dang light? I didn't even use profanity. Not this time. I don't wanna be a dolphin like you either. So. I don't know if you got a glimpse of that episode, but Travis started Peak speaking. Dolphin out of nowhere. That's pretty amazing. Pretty good too.
Uh, you wanna give us another example? No, not the, not this time. I'm on exercise. A little control here.
The light went out again. Are you serious? Yeah, I was just looking back at it. I don't know if I should just ditch the light or what, man, I, I like the light. We'll try to find out. It does add a nice little back. Back hu to everything. Yeah. But I don't know what else to plug it into. Yeah. Sometimes in production you have to maintain self-control and overcome obstacles.
My face didn't even turn colors. I can't even really say that I'm upset. I'm just kinda like, what the heck? Uh, hey, it happens though. You know, there's some things that we just can't control. And knowing what you can and can't control is part of it. So what isn't self-control? If we're defining self-control, what it isn't is suppression.
Rigidity, rigidity. Rigid rigidity. What's rigidity? Stiffness. Stiffness or perfection. Uh, an ability to bend from. Say the rules or something. No, Travis, we gotta do it this way and we can't do any other way. Well, come on man. There is an easier way. No, there isn't. There's only one way. And I'm not deviating from that path.
So is that self-control? That's what it's not, that's not self-control. That's being a jerk, that's being controlling. That's me, the jerk. And, uh, self-control isn't being perfect either. Um, I think dieting comes to, to mind when it comes to perfection and being, having self-control. Um, I can definitely see dieting a absolutely because, you know, there's so many things.
It, and dieting don't get me wrong, is one of the harder things I think to exercise self-control over because our bodies are, they, they get used to a certain type of fuel. And they just want it, namely sugar. That's one of the biggest, uh, addictive things that we have. Can't get rid of carbohydrates, man.
Everything I look has carbohydrate in it. Carbohydrate, it's extremely difficult to get away from it. Like I even, I, I love watermelon, even has carbohydrates in it and everybody says, but that's natural, but it's natural sugar and that there is no difference. Sugar is sugar. You think so? Sugar is natural too.
Well, sugar that is white is not natural though. Sugar in raw form is brown and unfiltered. Not necessarily uh uh, the sugar cane, it's all liquid at first. Your sugar, you're sweet. There it went again. There's light hate you anyway. Um, sugar, uh, it has a high glycemic index. Uh, something with a low glycemic index would be better.
So substituting sugar with honey. Would be a better substitute 'cause your body uses honey more and it has actual other benefits to using honey. So what is, what is self-control? And it's, uh, having the ability to pause, make a choice, and, uh, deliver deliberately, uh, saying what you wanna say. Meaning that, uh, and I was talking to my wife about this is, uh.
It is somewhat better to be gentle. Like if somebody says, Hey, uh, maybe something seems off character or maybe like it's attacking you in some way instead of, uh, just automatically going after them, asking them from clarification and then taking a moment to yourself and. Self-control and not immediately responding.
A lot of times I find that something I say off the top of my head probably shouldn't be said, and, uh, I didn't really mean it, and that happens a lot in disagreements. But yeah, I, no, I, I agree. It does happen a lot in disagreements because some emotions are high and you want to get your point across. And sometimes we say things unfiltered, if you will.
Uh, without that, that self-control, uh, our personal filter and, uh, we, we use that a lot to help our relationships, to build relationships. We do need a good sense or a good amount of self-control in our day-to-day lives. I feel in today's times it's even harder because there's so many other influences out there.
That, uh, can disrupt your day or not. I mean, again, self-control isn't just a negative thing, but you get constant notifications, temptations, immediate gratification. You know, I can easily just go, I need this and go on Amazon and have it delivered same day, have it delivered today, same day. But where is your self-control when it doesn't show up that day?
Or where's your self control to say, yeah, let me wait another week or so for that part, or for this so I can make sure that my, myself and my finances or whatever it is, if you're buying something, can afford it. Uh, there's a lot of impulse buying, which is in my, in my opinion, the opposite of self-control is impulsivity.
Yeah, we find it impo being impulsive in kids. Um, having two young kids. Uh, of course it's expected as you grow older that that kind of subsides, but some adults, it never subsides there. We should be instilling that patience and, and. Delayed Maybe. Maybe some sort of a delayed gratification. No, I don't think we need to instill that in the kids, but the patience definitely.
Well, what's the saying? Pace patience is a virtue. Yep. That is one of the sayings. Uh, I would say self-control is having patience. Again, that kind of puts a negative connotation on it. I think. Like I, I still don't, I'm being patient. Well, I think, I think you're being very pessimistic this time. Pessimistic.
Well, what you're talking is very jerk water. If you don't know what that means, look it up. It actually means trivial. But long story, uh,
where are we at? Quiet practice, small practical ways to build self-control. So if you find yourself having some type of self-control issues, how do you go about resolving that? Do you, I think the first thing maybe be like to identify that you have a problem and, and you're right. Uh, because where, where do most people let go of self-control?
Road rage, social media on. Yeah, exactly. Uh, so take that moment, take that five seconds, just count to five. We were talking about it before. Be kind instead of, uh, being impulsive or, um, having lack of self control. Did you just get me wiping my nose? You know, I cut outta it. Well. If you go to his shot right now, he is got a big booger on his nose.
He does. Just kidding. Um, he has no control over that booger. Small practical ways. So yeah, a small way would be to take three to five seconds, not just, not, not count to 10, count to three, count to five, whatever it is to get you over that hump. And then you've gotta, you've gotta, you've. Delayed your reaction time to the actual insulting activity or behavior that you're upset at.
So, uh, for and for me that I'm talking about road rage or driving and getting upset with somebody not following the rules, I think, I think self-control, to me, I, I keep on saying negative because it's maybe something that I find negative in myself and not having some self-control sometimes with temper.
Um, a lot of mine are related to other things, but, um, being able to identify that you're having issues with self-control and not that self-control, like you're gonna damage yourself or cause harm to anyone self. But, um, just having those moments where you could avoid an argument. Um, an example is, is that.
Two, two adults that are married and have kids. If you're gonna sit there and argue in front of the kids, then obviously they're gonna pick up on that. And when they have a disagreement, they're not gonna display any type of self-control 'cause you're not showing any kind of self-control. And so I think self-control is a taut thing because, uh, let's face it.
Uh, one through 18. They're very impulsive sometimes, and, uh, that's having no idea of self-control. No con, no idea of the concept of self-control sometimes is an issue as well. Right. I've also found myself, uh, laughing, uh, hysterically when I shouldn't. I should be serious. Uh, I haven't, this hadn't happened a long time, but, um, it has happened before.
That's not a common thing. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a reaction to a stressor and you kind of don't know how to process it, and it comes out as a laughter. Um, so I wouldn't, I wouldn't look at that as lack of self-control. And, and I get your point though, to, to where, you know, if you're doing the self-control.
So for me, that was, um. Uh, instilled in me by family, by my parents, my mom, my dad, whenever I'd visit, and the grownups in my life. But also, uh, I'd mentioned this to you off offline a couple days ago. Karate, you know, you've gotta exhibit a lot of self-control. 'cause once, once, uh, someone who's in a martial art, whether it's karate, boxing, MMA, any of that stuff, when you reach a, when you reach a certain level.
You become, your hands become a lethal weapon, and if you are, say a black belt in a karate or a, a TaeKwonDo, and you hit somebody and kill them. That's, that's capital because your hands are lethal weapons at that point, or e uh, it's if you didn't kill them, if you hurt them very badly, that's still, uh, intent with a lethal weapon because you've been trained how to do certain things with your hands, with your feet, depending on the, the type of martial art.
So there you actually have to use a lot of restraint and self-control. And the biggest thing, the biggest thing that a lot of. I've seen a lot of martial arts, uh, teach is to, to walk away to find a better, you know, to find the peaceful solution. Self-control isn't weakness. It's um, it's control inward.
It's, I think it's a very self, very good strength to have a lot of times, um, when coming across an argument and, you know, example with the kids, for example. Is, uh, just to walk away. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to walk away. My wife and I have a code word that we established, or a phrase that says, well, isn't that special?
And that is code word for like, let's talk about it later and put your emotions aside. Go take a breather. Go get some fresh air. A lot of things that you argue about on a daily basis are so jerk water trivial. Uh, if you want, yeah, I was gonna tell 'em right here what that meant, but go ahead. No, it's too late.
You already told him, did I? You did. Oh, jerk water is trivial. You were adding to what I said, but you actually just repeated a different form. But, uh, you see how I use self-control there? Oh, maybe that wasn't a good example. Do we have any, uh, famous say poems or statements? Have you come across any of those?
Well, uh, you have the power of your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. That was by Marcus Aelius. Marcus Aelius. Okay. You don't like the olis? Isn't that nice? Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want Most. Abe Lincoln, did he really say that? Why are you questioning it?
You don't have to put that part in. I'm just No, I like, I like those Marcus Aurelius and the, like the Roman Times or the, they had. Really a lot of good. Marcus Ola Olis. Is that where your mind went? No, no. Good. But when you said Ola Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm saying. Oh yeah. I did say Ola. My bad. Hey, it's not a dirty word.
It's a science. It's a, no, that's medical term's. The actual term. Yeah. Right, right.
Is that the fence? Uh, I think it might be the rake or the fence. Yeah.
So, hey, uh, if you're out there listening, please like, share, comment, subscribe, and in the comments below, can you give us an example of self-control? Um, we'd like to hear from everybody. I dunno, why aren't you talking? Um, I was just trying to figure out how to tie stoicism.
Logan's over there ripping his jeans. No, that was the truth. Yeah, blame the chair. We'd like to have what you think, uh, is a good form of self-control. What type of self-control do you exercise? I would say because self-control is something that I exercise daily. It's in multiple different aspects of my life.
Or have the you guys take a look at at your day and see where you exerted self-control and how it changed an outcome of a conversation, a topic, or an event that you were doing. And don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Thanks for watching. See you next time.
